


I Swear by all the Salt in Me

by MarigolD_Spaz (ButterfliesNeverDie)



Category: One Piece
Genre: Divergent Canon-Verse, Divergent Timelines, M/M, Multi, WARNING COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF GAY, and for the love of god read any and all warnings, and one of them makes a wish, and then their fuckery ensues, and two weebs, be warned this is just self indulgent, dont say we didnt warn you, in which there is a genie, lots and lots of fuckery, so they get sent to the opverse, this is first person, this is purely self indulgent, two authors having fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 07:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11984607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterfliesNeverDie/pseuds/MarigolD_Spaz
Summary: What happened to us gives a whole other meaning to be careful what you wish for. Watch as we struggle with our new lives and cause utmost chaos in the wake of our insanity.Self-Insert One Piece Fic.





	I Swear by all the Salt in Me

**Author's Note:**

> AN: We were tired, we were bored. This is the result.
> 
> Please be warned that this was conjured from the deepest, darkest, most demented places of two very disturbed authors. There was no holding back here, there will be blood. There will be gore. There will be penis and arm jokes for years, and like NSFW situations. This is Fuckery to the highest degree. Oh, we should also mention that this is a self-insert so, don't be surprised when–if–you continue reading.
> 
> Also as a quick reference, the story breaks between our two POV's. Mine will be marked by Leafy/Leafs, and Sabo [MarigolD_Spaz/ButterfliesNeverDie] is using his version of Sabo, you can find out more about his character here: [Addams Sabo Blog](https://prettytragedies.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Warnings! ~ There WILL be TONS upon TONS of Gay in this fic, senseless shipping and overall gayness, also awkward boners and other things in later chapters. You have been warned.
> 
> Also a HUGE thanks to Siojo/Wordsdrippinginink, for the Beta!~ You our friend are a godsend!~
> 
> We own nothing in regards to any references used, nor any regrets, or shame. We only own the debauchery conjured up by our AU versions and their designs. So Enjoy!~

Sabs-

 

It all started with a seemingly harmless and sarcastic comment on my twenty-third birthday. I hadn’t really been in the mood to deal with anything, having suffered from my insomnia particularly bad for the last few days. Because of this, when I’d been asked what I wanted for my birthday, I had replied without any real thought like a joke. “A genie and three wishes.” I had said, because genie’s were not real and neither was magic, at least to my knowledge at that time. The person who had asked, one of my friends I had found myself getting along with quite well recently over our similar love of the macabre, had sent me an emoji of amusement along with the quite telling reply of “Same.”

 

Leaning forward and pressing my hand against my chin to hold it up, sitting in bed as usual with my laptop in front of me, I lazily typed with one hand, or really one finger- taking my time for once instead of the usual bullshit quick replies I usually did. I was still tired, annoyingly so, and the  meds I had taken the night before hadn’t helped me sleep in the least bit. 

 

“What would you wish for?”

 

I knew what I would, but that wasn’t something that was too important to me at the moment. I was more interested in what my friend, what Leafy, would wish for. 

 

“Tbh, more sin ;3c”

 

In a move that kind of explained half of our conversations, I replied with the same thing that Leafy had earlier, but more drawn out. “Sammmeee.” It was probably odd to make facial expressions at an unmoving screen, but a shit eating grin was in place as I typed this out. My rapid change in mood was no surprise to me. My friends always cheered me up, and even at  my most tired I could become hyper from talking to them. Removing my hand from where it was currently against my chin, I was  about to type out something else when my screen went  completely blank and my laptop seemed to switch itself off. 

Utterly confused, as the laptop I was using I had only gotten a few months ago and was relatively new, I pressed the power button a few times after trying and failing to use control + alt + delete all in succession. There was no noticeable change. Feeling frustrated, and pushing my headset partially off my head to hear for any storms, I'm even more confused by the lack of thunder, lightning, and rain. Not a power outage then, nor a surge. I'm about to grab my phone and check and see if it is still working when lettering comes up on the screen of my laptop out of nowhere, in the rather iconic zalgo text.

It took a bit of effort to read it, as whatever it said seemed to glitch out randomly, but once I did I was completely unimpressed to the highest degree. "What are your wishes?" was spelled out in those big messy letters. Sighing harshly, and rather sure some kind of hacker had gotten into my computer, I was about to ignore it when the text changed again. "What harm could come to you if you just say it out loud? If I'm not real or a hacker as most humans would seem to think?"

Tapping my fingers against my laptop keyboard in front of me, my eyes fell down to my phone nearby again for a second before looking back up at the text. It's odd that the hacker, it had to be a hacker there's no way a fucking genie was in my laptop, seemed to know just what to say. Still, with an eyeroll, I decided to humour the bastard, at least just this once. Afterwards I'd shove my laptop in a corner and go about the rest of my day on mobile until I could get someone to look at and fix it.

"I wish Leafy and I could fully enjoy our sin."

It's a joke. I say it as a complete joke. I was not being serious at all, I'm being a sarcastic little shit. This doesn't seem to process for whoever the fuck is behind another screen, as the text appears again almost instantly after I voice my 'wish' out loud.

"You gave me so many loopholes in that one honey, this next one is completely on you."

It's at about this point that my bed, hell, everything around me, disappears into a black abyss. I have nary a moment to widen my eyes in surprise before my pajama'd ass is sucked into it and everything just fades away.

* * *

 

Leafy-

A yawn escapes me, it's pretty late and even though I know  _full_  well that I have to be up in about seven hours, I do nothing to stop myself from enjoying my time online. This is what I do, because I love talking to the people I have met. Recently I came to join a chat server where I met some pretty cool people and instantly became attached to a certain few.

One of them was someone I knew as Sab, which was entirely amazing to me because how often do I get to call people by names based on some of my favorite characters? And then the fact that he enjoyed debauchery as much as as I did, well let's just say that it was a match made in internet heaven.

The amount of sin we had both signed up for was amazing and nothing short of self indulgent. Seriously the kick I got out of doing certain things to characters might have been worrying, but I can honestly say that I found nothing but amusement from it.

So here I am, with an hour or so left before I called it a night as Sabs asked me what I would wish for if I had the chance, given the current state of mind that I found myself in these days I reply with the one that felt the most natural, sinning.

To my complete enjoyment, he replied with "Sammmeee." Had I really expected anything else? No, not really because this was the guy that I had come to spend all of my sinning hours with.

The small letters at the bottom of the screen began to animate seconds later before I could reply, and I let them go for a minute, expecting a response while I lay back against the large pillow that helped me stay propped up on the bed.

The reply never came though, as I was lounging back the screen decided that it was going to commit suicide. My room didn't fall into that same darkness, not yet at least, since the TV was still on, the Netflix title screens illuminating the otherwise dark room. Even the music that was playing in the background in a neglected tab went dead, the singer's voice cutting off mid lyric and leaving behind the unfinished verse for my mind to supply.

"Well then." I huffed and glared at the laptop, immediately reaching over to the side of the machine. A similar accident had happened to me not even a week before when I had thought I had it plugged in when in reality it had been surviving on its own power until it was forced into sleep without warning due to the battery drain.

Checking the adapter I pressed my lips together and blow my cheeks, as I'm prone to do whenever I'm left alone to provide my own amusements. The laptop was plugged in, which meant it should have power, I checked the wall plug and sure enough, there's nothing wrong there.

So then what?

I leaned back again, cracking my knuckles as I tend to do whenever my joints start getting tense. "Maybe this is a sign that I should sleep." I asked myself out loud, though truth be told, I wouldn't follow that advice any time soon.

I reached out to where I usually place my phone off to my left, but before my hand gets there, the screen seizures on me.

I cried internally, not really, but a small part of me does groan. I just finished paying for this thing! And may not have actually taken the time to register the warranty.

As I debate the pros and cons of pressing the power button and letting it restart, words start appearing on the screen, some comprehensive others not. Until they settled on a phrase:  _"Someone wants to sin with you"_

"Do they now?" I say to no one in particular, not entirely interested, but also not quite grasping the situation.

" _As he has wished it, so it shall be."_

"Cuz that isn't weird as fu–"

The curse never quite made it into the world as the last bit of light in the room is extinguished and the uniquely thrilling sensation of my stomach being shoved up into my throat suddenly sneaked up on me.

The solidness that is my bed is gone and I feel like I'm falling, some distant part of me wondering if I may have slept and was now waking up rather rudely by my own mind.

* * *

 

Sabs-

The first thing I'm aware of after my unnecessary travel is a high amount of pain and light. After that there's yelling, and as I blink rapidly I'm surprised to find myself in some place completely different and much higher off the ground than I normally am. I try to move but find my legs collapsing out from under me. The curse reflexively leaves my lips even as I'm surprised by arms catching me. When I bring my surprisingly half blurred gaze up I'm surprised by what features I slowly register.

"What the fuck?"

And okay I usually don't swear this much out loud, but things were quickly devolving into bullshit territory. The person who looks just like my favourite character is staring at me with a look of equal disbelief on his scarred face. When my eyes look around I'm treated with the sight of an obvious training grounds and people rapidly rushing towards us. One of these people I recognise as well, is a fishman, a being native to the same world as my favourite character and somehow suddenly very much real unless I'm somehow high even though I've never done drugs once in my twenty-three years of life.

A rather insane idea hits me just then as I remember the text on my computer, and I blink several times as people crowd around my favourite character and I, looks of utter awe, horror, and confusion on their features. Either I've gone completely insane, which I'm leaning towards, or whatever the fuck contacted me earlier was indeed a fucking genie, and had sent me into the world of One Piece for shits and giggles, fully taking my words and using them against me. Then I'm hit with a rather worrisome question, just what the hell had the genie done to me when it decided to go with all the 'loopholes' I had left.

I'm still in a dazed and confused state when an even more worrisome idea hits, and I wince. What had the thing done to Leafy? Wetting my lips, my eyes- why was I able to see so much clearer out of one eye while the other seemed to have gotten worse?- falling back onto the person who was still holding me so I wouldn't fall. A person I was the- same height as? My eyebrows furrow as I go over this fact. That wasn't right. Sabo was six foot one and a half in the manga and anime, I was only five foot seven last time I checked, he should tower over me but instead I seemed to be the same height as him.

"What are you?"

The question surprises me, and my wandering eye sight as I thought things over quickly falls back onto Sabo once again. God, getting used to having such clear vision in one eye was going to be more of a pain than getting used to the others added blurriness. It's like suddenly one eye has the 20/20 vision I never had and the other has gone half blind. It's already making me kind of feel like ralphing.

"Your worst nightmare."

There's several flinches from the people around me over my bemused dry and habited reply, but Sabo just blinks. Then he snorts. I grin back without thinking, because honestly he'd caught the joke and that meant the world to me. I am completely unaware that my smile is now rather unnerving, though am aware when Sabo sets me fully back onto my feet again and mostly lets go. I sway for a moment before catching myself, and I'm kind of proud I didn't just fall onto my ass like a complete idiot in front of  _the_ Sabo of the Revolutionaries.

"What's your name?"

The question comes from Hack,  _the_ Hack the fishman. This is pretty amazing. Maybe the genie,  _oh God I'm beginning to just accept this bullshit_ , wasn't so bad after all. I bring a hand up to run through my hair in the usual nervous habit when I pause and blink. A bit of feeling around, and ignoring the odd glances I'm getting, finds me even more confused. Instead of shaved sides and back, there is a large amount of slightly curly hair. In fact, when I pull it into my eyesight, I'm struck by how blonde it is. My hair was auburn. Sure most of it had still been bleached, but this was obviously natural, and I'd never had curled hair before either.

Looking down, I'm surprised by the sight of a naked and very different body I hadn't noticed before. Where I'd been chubby, this body was solid and had a six pack. The usual scars on my hands were gone as well, one originally caused by a cat's scratch and the other in the shape of the light bulb that had burned it, and instead pale smooth skin was all I could see. When I looked a little further up on one arm however, I was treated to the signs of a nasty burn scar that traveled down to my hip and side and then even further until it got to my ankle and wrapped around it. A slow picture beginning to form in my mind, I bring one hand up to my neck and am now unsurprised to find the burn continuing up there. I feel higher and am treated by the grooves continuing on up my neck and onto the side of my face- and over my eye- the eye I was having a hard time seeing through.

Well shit. No wonder these guys were so freaked out. How Sabo himself was taking this so well himself was beyond me, but I decide to blame it on his general badassery. As for myself, I'm unsure if what I'm feeling is disbelief or shock. Perhaps a mix of the two instead. No. It's now devolving into amusement. Whoops.

"I'm Sabo apparently."

Because I was, I'm sure of it. Also I can now confirm the curtains do match the drapes with him via my new and obviously matching body. How pleasant. Sabo's eyes stare into my own as everyone else proceeds to flip their shit over my nonchalant sounding answer.

* * *

 

Leafy-

_You're gonna be late._  The thought was sluggish in my mind, the way it always was when I was stuck in the limbo state of not asleep but also not awake.

I have to wake up, I know that. My job demands it of me, as it has done so for the past few years.  _Just one more hour, that's all I ask._  I think as I try to roll onto my left and reach out my right arm at the same time only for two things to happen.

The first is the sudden sense of pain that thrums throughout my entire body sending my mind into a mix between a pounding headache and a state of floating if you will. It was nausea, or at least what I imagined it to be, either way it was disorienting. But not nearly as offputting as the sudden restriction of my arm.

I'm confused, but not awake enough to actually be alarmed at the discovery. My surroundings are dark, a low light coming from somewhere behind where I am. But where am I?

I try to blink the dryness out of my eyes. They burned, and I could  _definitely_ feel the tightness around them, I was sure I was going to have some wicked bags under my eyes today. Just another testament to my bitch ass and the need to stay up way too late with only six to five hours of sleep to tide me into the following day.

"C-captain?" the words are soft, and unsure.

I can't really place them, not yet at least.

I blink again, the room now coming more into focus as I begin to see, not my own room. The TV stand turned desk next to my bed was gone, as were everything that was haphazardly piled on top of it. My phone, my laptop, my bottles and the various makeup things I had become unexpectedly obsessed with over the past year or so.

I try to move my arms, not just one but both only to come to the same ending conclusion. They were restricted, and that's when the cold grip of something heavy made itself known.

_So this is what these things feel like._  I thought numbly, though if I was honest with myself, I was probably in some state of shock. I prided myself in being mostly unfazed by many things, but this was really pushing it. I wasn't on my bed the way I had initially thought, fuck I wasn't even in my own  _home_. It didn't smell like home, the place smelled too  _sterile_  like the hospitals I had come to loathe over the past few years. But there was something else in the air.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it just like I couldn't quite identify the voice.

"Is he finally awake, Bepo-ya?"

My mind went blank. Well only for a moment, after that it went through a rampage of thoughts trying desperately to piece things together.  _Captain, Bepo,_ the motherfucking use of the  _-ya_  suffix. It made sense, the sterile atmosphere, and that other underlying scent I hadn't been able to place a name to earlier.

The sea.

I was born and raised only two hours or so from many major beach cities, but even then I had seen the open sea once in my lifetime, this is my excuse for not having been able to tell what it was earlier.

But that was irrelevant, or should have been really. But i chose to think on that instead, because it was the one thing that was more logical, more sane.

But it seemed that I didn't get to stay in my bubble of rationalism for too long when someone loomed over me, and more of my thoughts were confirmed.

The mystery was solved. His eyes weren't gray like in the anime I was hopelessly obsessed with. They were golden, and they were not at all looking pleased with what they saw. There wasn't enough light for me to search his eyes for that answer, but even if there was could I have focused on that rather than the face of the fictional man I had obsessed and loved heavily for more than a year?

The key word there, was  _fictional_.

I stare at Law and he looks at me, not a single trace of amusement there, instead there's curiosity and a bit of something else that I can't yet place.

His face leaves my field of vision after that, and then suddenly I am blinded by the brightest of lights.

I curse, it's an automatic response more than anything really. If I'm not in a professional setting, then my mouth tends to say some pretty foul things. And in that moment in time it was. "Motherfucking bitch."

No one responded, though I guess I really wasn't expecting to be chatted up. This was Law we were talking about, my infatuation with the series had taken a pretty deep plunge into his character analysis, I prided myself in knowing him inside and out like the demented weeb that I was. He wasn't a talker, at least not when I actually wrote him as close to his character as possible.

I turn my head away from the searing lights, glaring off to the side where Bepo was standing.  _The Bepo,_  my mind supplies. A real bear capable of talking, a Mink. That was the farthest of my knowledge about him and where he came from, since I may or may not have gone on a self imposed hiatus to let the episodes and chapters pile up and in turn may have missed his origin story.

"What are you gonna do with him Captain?" The bear asked shuffling uncertainly, making me smile because not only was he being adorable but also, he was there! A good ten feet away from me and my hands to grip but he was  _right_  there.

Possibilities and rationality be damned I was in the OP-verse! But wait a minute, I reeled myself back from the sudden excitement that was more or less, actually no I was getting high off of the realization. A nice buzz kept my head swimming and I swear to every fucking deity out there that weed couldn't touch that feeling like at all. But back to the back-peddling!

Did Bepo just say  _him?_ Now that I thought about that, didn't they say  _he_  earlier too? I wasn't particularly picky about pronouns, call me what you want, I always told people, and I even joked around at home telling people I was a guy rather than a girl, and even got a kick out of confusing the shit out of my younger brother who believed I was a boy for the better part of his life. It was fun, and occasionally still was. But what made them call me that now?

"I don't know yet, Bepo-ya." Law murmured wherever he was, his words were followed by the occasional shift of tools, or what I assumed are tools since all I could hear were clinks and mini bangs of metal.

"He's unnerving." Bepo whispered and then immediately covered his face with his paws while apologizing for his words.

I could only guess that he was apologizing to Law rather than me, but that still didn't explain why I was suddenly a  _he._

Law snorted, "Is that really what you think of me, Bepo-ya?"

"What does that have to do with me?" I ask myself out loud, I was being ignored after all, being spoken about  _without_ being spoken to. That was annoying to say the least, I mean I may be strapped to a table, but I was  _still_  there right?

"That's what I would like to know." Law said then, coming back into my view and pulling at a metal arm and swinging a mirror into my line of view.

"Fucking shit." I couldn't help it, what else were you supposed to say when you saw anyone  _but_  yourself in a mirror?

Where was she? The girl I was used to seeing, the image of a sleep deprived with dark circles under brown eyes. My hair was still dark, my skin was still on the darker side of the spectrum, but also, the person on the mirror had...I always had trouble remembering the name. The off color pigmentation, or lack of. It looked like this Law, the one  _I_  was looking at had not survived the amber lead sickness. So what did that mean?

Did I have the ope-ope no mi? That would honestly be pretty cool.

But also! Also. "I have a fucking dick now don't I?"

* * *

 

Sabs-

It doesn't take long until I'm basically dragged into a room with no windows and only one door, stumbling all the way- and locked as I quickly checked. They aren't exactly gentle, but I find I don't mind. In fact, it doesn't actually hurt, just leaves a surprisingly pleasant tingling feel- kind of like a limb falling asleep but not annoying. Which is odd, but something to ponder at another time. I'm still naked, but though I feel some awkwardness it isn't as bad as if it probably would have been in my original body. I was fucking hot now- no shame in that.

I'm not exactly sure how long I'm left to stew in my own boredom, but when someone finally comes into the room to join me I'm slightly relieved. They've brought clothes, which make me perk up as well. Instead of saying anything, the man just sets the object's down on the table and leaves again, causing me to huff out loud in annoyance. Still, I got clothes out of the encounter so it can't be that bad. My balance is still shot to hell but I'm able to make my way over to my new gift and look it over. In the end, I decide to close the eye I'm having trouble seeing out of to see the clothing clearer.

The shirt is a button up, blue, surprisingly nicely made, with sleeves that go down to mid arm. There's also a pair of boxers- thank God this world has them, that are a dark grey in colour. I put those on first. After that are the pants, which are black and kind of like khaki's in design. I can already tell they're going to be short on me due to my new height, just like the boxers were a little big. Picking up the pants I quickly slip them on and button and zip them up, and yes, they are short on my new long legs. They only reach a little below my knee when they are probably meant to reach the ankles. There are no socks and shoes, so I decide to grab the shirt next. I never did care for button ups, but that was because I was usually a lazy little shit. I find myself dealing with a new problem as I try and unbutton it to slip it on, my fingers were longer- like those of a pianist, and it was annoying as fuck using them.

I give up in the end, proper hand eye coordination is apparently something I'm not going to get without due practice and time. So instead I cheat. I stop at the first two buttons and slip the entire thing on over my head. I'm just pulling my head through the top when the door opens again and I find myself staring at none other than Koala. I blink at her, and she blinks back. Situating the shirt more comfortably, I flex my fingers in the softness of the end of the shirt, gripping it, and tilt my head to the side somewhat curiously while I look at her. Her hair is less red than in the anime, more a golden auburn than orange.

"Hello." I finally decide to say. It's still weird hearing such a deep voice come from my own mouth, but it's not as weird as everything else.

She frowns, looking me over from head to toe, before making a rather blunt comment that makes me snort. "You really do look almost exactly like him, the only difference is those dark rings under your eyes."

"Yeah well, I can't exactly control how I look now can I?" Or could I? If there was a genie, I still had two wishes. I could probably wish to look different. If I'm honest though, I don't really want to. I like looking like this. I like being here too, maybe that's just my inner fanboy speaking though.

She narrows her eyes at me, like she can tell I'm not telling the whole truth, and then moves to stand in front of me, crossing her arms in a way I recognise from my psychology books as being defensive and aggressive. I copy the move, and ignore how her eyes narrow even more from it. She probably knew what the move meant as well actually, if her abilities and studies were to be believed.

"What do you want, and how did you get here?"

Oh. So that's what this is. An interrogation.

"I want-" I pause and think, my mind going to Leafy. Then I purse my lips as I realise a prime way to manipulate Koala. I didn't like it, but if I wanted to get anything done or find my friend, I needed to do this. "To find my partner, and I'm not too sure how I got here."

The way Koala's eyes soften ever so slightly make me fight a grin- she believed me, good; hook, line, sinker. There's still a hardness to her countenance, but that should be expected when I looked so much like her own partner and appeared out of nowhere- or at least I think that's how it went.

"Does your partner look like me?"

That actually kind of surprised me, but maybe it shouldn't have. It was a good guess. At the same time, I didn't truly know the answer to that- not yet at least. I'd probably have to use a wish for it, that or a way to contact Leafy. You could say I was being careless with my wishes but that wasn't the truth, I was more concentrated on needs at the moment, not wants, especially not when my biggest want had already come true- with some surprises and complications that I didn't exactly mind much.

"No." I finally decide to say, because if the genie went with what 'sin' Leafy and I usually wrote I am very sure that they wouldn't be a Koala-lookalike. Tapping my fingers against my own wrist, I tried to ignore the sudden disappointed look she gains as best as possible- it makes me feel awkward. I'd always had a soft spot for her character in the series, strong women were my favourite- and she was quite strong.

"Can we get this over with? I need to look for them."

Both Leafy and I were the type of people to get into the worst of troubles, I knew that for certain now. This whole situation was my fault as well, and I felt kind of guilty at the thought of Leafy not actually wanting to be here like me. We had joked about it before yes, but leaving your entire life behind wasn't easy. I really hoped they weren't too angry with me.

Sighing, Koala shook her head. "It's not that easy. You shouldn't have been able to get here, and you look like one of our members, that makes you a security risk. You're going to have to tell me all that you remember and we'll see where we can go from there."

At that I feel my annoyance mounting. She's trying to pretend like we know each other, to be kind, to get more out of me. She's playing good cop. Well, I could also play along with the best of them. I hadn't majored in Psychology during College nor worked as a Habilitation Training Specialist for nothing. Still, I try to pretend I'm going along, smiling my best innocent quirk of my lips as I speak.

"What do you need to know?"

* * *

 

Leafy-

"Was there not a penis there before?" The question was simple, and really I guess that it was the logical thing to say but also it wasn't.

"Not to my knowledge." And that's when I hear it. My voice isn't  _mine,_  at least not the mine I was used to because that definitely was me talking. I didn't have a high voice, but I also didn't have a holy-shit-my-balls-dropped-so-much-that-my-voice-is-now-deep-as-fuck voice.

"What was there then?" he asked, his voice the same level of deep of my new one.

"Nothing." I say rolling my eyes, "If it's not a dick what else do you see, a hand? There was a vagina there before."

Law frowned, his eyes narrowing just slightly. My answer was not to his liking, but at least he got to keep his tidbits. "Am I to believe you went through a sex change recently and somehow came out to have absolutely no signs of cosmetic wounds, no scarring." As he spoke the weirdest sensation came over me.

The penis that was suddenly attached to my pelvis area was moved to the side.  _OH. MY. FUCK._   _WHAT IS THAT._

The bastard was touching below the belt and as awkward as it was admitting it, there was something increasingly uncomfortable happening down below.

"None at all." he hummed removing his hand, his face now showing amusement as he looked down to me. "And quite sensitive I see, never had anyone reach down there?"

I could feel it, the heat that seared my cheeks, and burned the tips of my ears. I could only  _imagine_  what was going on down there, I had read plenty of smut fics in my short lifetime to take a wild guess in the dark and hit the mark. This was definitely not what I was used to. Some moisture down there, sure fine you can play that off, but hiding an erection, well that was new territory.

"I know about as much as you do." I grumble, whatever bite my voice held a while ago was gone, eaten away by the discomfort. The last thing I remembered was being in my normal shitty body back home and spending a night talking to–

_Sabs._

"Someone wants to sin with you. As he wished it so it shall be." The words that had appeared on my screen that night came back to the forefront of my mind.

"Is he here?" The question was more of a demand than anything.

To which Law really didn't take kindly to that, his frown returning. "He who?"

"Sa–" I stop myself. Would that be the name he used? It was truly the only lead I had going for me. "He may go by the name of Sabo?"

"Never heard of him." Law replies without a beat of hesitation and pulls up a chair next to where I am.

"Start from the beginning."

"Beginning of what?" I ask, though I have a pretty good idea of what he means.

"I ran tests. I compared this," he pulls up a small cube in his left hand, "to this." and then another cube is brought to my attention. My heart skips a beat as I recognize what he holds. Though I never saw a heart in action before, or a preserved one up close for that matter, I was familiar enough with the Heart Stealer to know what it was.

"You and I share the same basic DNA, it matched almost exactly, but yours has something else in it, a virus even I can't name much less cure.  _That's_ saying something. Then there's this."

My reflexes were never something I could brag about, and even if they had been great, I wouldn't have been able to escape his hands as one took a hold of my chin, or his look alike chin? I was still coming to terms with that as I was turned to see myself in the mirror above me.

He forced my mouth open with one gloved hand, and none too gently mind you. His other hand inserted what looked like a dentist would have in stock, those evil torturous devices that assured your mouth would stay open no matter what.

Then, his finger pressed down on my gum, just over the canine teeth.

The golden eyes that were now mine widened as I watched the phenomena play out. Just when you think things couldn't get any more weird, fate was there to fuck you brutally in the ass and leave you without letting you finish.

Law demonstrated the trick a few times over. Each time that he would press down, my canine would elongate, and when that pressure was gone, my tooth went back to normal. I had seen enough, he could tell because at that moment, he took his torture instrument back leaving behind a sore mouth on my end.

_Sure, why the fuck not._  I think, no longer as surprised as I had been earlier,  _why not add vampires into this fuckery. There you go teenage me, are you happy we finally get to have the vamp dream we always wanted._

"I had assumed you were a devil fruit user." Law continued, "But seastone had no effect on you, unconscious as you might be it didn't sap away your strength. So that was ruled out. And to the best of my knowledge I never had a brother, especially not a twin. Couple that with the fact that you have these." the gloved fingers ran over my cheek, barely grazing it, but still having enough of a presence to make a tingle shoot down my spine. The fucker was toying with me, I could see the gleam in his eyes darken.

"You were there weren't you? How did you survive the extermination?"

I had read that far in the manga, and it was on my infinite list of "To-Do's" to cry along with Law as he lost his family to the disease and spend the next few years with Doffy and Cora until that was cruelly ruined for him too. I can feel the tears burning in the back of my eyes, and look away blinking them away. Nothing could make me more emotional than watching my favorite fictional characters live through a tragedy, I loved causing endless angst for them, but watching it done by someone else always messed me up in the best way.

"I wasn't there." I say truthfully searching for Bepo with my limited view of my surroundings, and pouting when I don't see him around anymore. "But–" I pause.

Law wasn't exactly known to have the best temper was he, nor to be easily dissuaded from certain if the Dressrosa Arc had anything to say. The dude had lived 10 years with that grudge against Doffy, so any missteps on my part could maybe guarantee a not so fun death.

"I know of the white city. The sickness that overcame it. I wasn't there, honest. You and I know more than anyone that you can't cure Amber Lead." I try to sound reasonable, it's the best I can do. And I mean, really I'm not lying, not that I could in the first place.

"That explains nothing." He didn't skip a beat, didn't even take a second to consider the words I had provided.

I sigh and look away, new body be damned, my mind hadn't changed much. And neither had my avoidance to look at people in the eyes, it was just as unnerving in this universe as it had been back home.

"Vitiligo." Was that the name? It sounds about right and truly, was there even such a concept here? I highly doubted it, if that didn't work then I supposed that I would need to actually tell him the truth and risk getting tossed overboard..unless we were under the sea. Did vampires need to breathe underwater, because I sure as hell didn't know how to swim before, and I was pretty sure this body was just as useless in water as my other one was.

"It's a skin condition where my skin cells refuse to let pigmentation into the skin...that was all I was able to figure out. I–do you have any water?" I ask as the thirst in the back of my throat was becoming more and more demanding. I hadn't noticed it at first when I woke up, but I was feeling it now.

Instead of answering me, Law held his hand over what I guessed was my chest, not boobs, I don't think those were there anymore. Not like I had much to begin with, but enough to where I could generally feel  _some_  fat there. Seriously what happened to anatomy when you switched universes? If I had been sent here as a man, did that mean Sabs was a girl?

"Room." I should have seen the command coming. But I was distracted once again by issues that had yet to be addressed. The blue sphere surrounded us and I blinked around me as everything was given a new blue tint.

I was mesmerized, how could I  _not_  be? How often did you get to see this in person? How often did you get to be enveloped in Law's room?  _Welcome to Trafalgar's room._  The melody of his song I had religiously listened to a couple of years back played in my head, amusing me for a second and making me forget the thirst for a second before an arm floated over my face.

_Is that?_  If it wasn't his arm–because both of his were clearly still attached, then was it mine? I flexed my fingers and sure enough, the fingers on the disembodied arm followed the motion.

"You could have asked!" My indignant cry goes unnoticed as I watch Law pull the arm apart. Quite literally. I should have experienced pain, my brain told me. But as the hand was cut more and more by his scalpel, I failed to feel anything in the realm of discomfort.  _This shit is taking me apart molecule by molecule!_

While he took his precious time getting to the bottom of the severed arm and focusing on the glowing cells I was becoming more restless. I was becoming less and less aware of what he was doing and more focused on stopping the thirst turned hunger. Those fangs weren't just there for show and for the sake of the world I was now in, I truly was a vampire. And there was one concrete rule that was never broken, no matter how many times you changed the basic principle of the myth that they were.

Law had used some sort of sea stone chains, or maybe even regular steel to hold me down, I didn't know I wasn't a welder, I knew nothing of iron, metals, and the likes. All I knew was that I was needing what he carried and that these silly chains wouldn't keep me from him.

The bonds were broken, I didn't register the loud creak they made, or the look of surprise that Law gave me when he dropped the arm he was toying with. The pressure in my gums was unbearable, that is until copper filled my mouth and it began to fade.

It was bliss. Nothing had ever tasted so good, what did people miss?  _What had I been missing?_  The warmth filled me, it took over everything, I was barely aware of a distant sound that was coming from somewhere in the background, it was pleasant though. It was low and something underneath it spoke of unadulterated sin.

"... _fuck!_ " that moan was mine, at least I think it is as I lift my head up from the shoulder I was nuzzled into, my tongue lapping at the open bleeding wound. It was so sweet, it was pure and there were not enough words to describe this. Not even the unfamiliar familiar feeling between my legs could take that away from me. I was in heaven, newfound erection and missing limb be damned.

* * *

 

Sabs-

I lied my ass off. I'd prefer not to let the fact I now knew the following future of my new home get into any hands whatsoever. Being used by Dragon or the World Nobles and Marines was just not on my to do list. I was actually kind of surprised that Koala bought my lies, or, if she didn't, hid it very well. In the end it didn't really matter- I was going to get out of this place and find Leafy even if it was the last thing I did. She left me alone after several bullshitted answers and I found myself sitting at the metal table in the seat she'd guided me to eventually during our talk.

Looking up at the ceiling, after eyeing around and trying to see if any transponder snails were around and failing to find them- though the Revolutionaries were sneaky I wouldn't be surprised if they had hidden one somewhere I couldn't find- I spoke and hoped I wasn't as insane as I felt as I did so.

"Hello? Do I have still have two wishes left?"

When there was no answer I groaned. I was in the middle of sinking down with embarrassment when something hit me on the head, making me yelp in more surprise than anything else. A quick look made me look up in shock at the still metal ceiling and then down at the object that had, quite literally, fallen into my lap. It was my iphone six, but a pretty blue instead of the white and silver it had been before. When I opened it up using my usual password I found my eyebrows shooting into my hairline in disbelief. It was missing a lot, including any bars- to my annoyance. The only apps I could see on it were pictures, music, and something called the Wish app. I am, quite honestly, very unamused by this genies bullshit joke.

I open up the obvious answer to my question and am surprised when my phone's screen turns a dark blue and takes on a look similar to the velvet room from Persona three. It's a chat app, I quickly realise with mounting disbelief, and it has the username Macabreblonde as my penname. I can't help but snort from this. There's two chat's open in it, one for BitchinglyFantasticGenie and the other for Inkedvamp69. It's obvious who BFG is, but the other makes me perk up. Was that Leafy?

Whether it was a sick joke of the genie or not, I couldn't help but feel hope and open the chat. I'm quick to click on the part where I can type something up and, as soon as the new blue keyboard appears, begin typing away at it, my fingers shooting over the keys quicker than they had ever been able to before. This was an interesting fact I'd try and learn more about soon, but not right now.

MB: Leafy, is that you?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!~ We sincerely hope your sanity has remained in tact.
> 
> We're going to try to update weekly, so please bear with us. Till next time!~


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